I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
