I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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