she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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