your thong is hanging out like whoa
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
