It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
