she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
