We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
