Michael Bay diarrhea
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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