dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
