I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
