I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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