So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
