you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
