so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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