I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
