Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
