Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
