So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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