She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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