No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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