I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
