recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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