If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
