It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
