You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
