Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
