My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
