Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
