Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
