Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
