I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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