Just cropdusted the office
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
