Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
