Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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