The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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