my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
