And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
