i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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