Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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