it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
