Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
