we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
