dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
