You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
