On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
