70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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