i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Still dying that you shit outside
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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