I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
