I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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