I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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